2020, What do you want from me? AGH, what you WANT?!
Issue 005, check it out in its entirety here
'Please, stop this madness. What do you want from me? AGH, what do you WANT?'
Tyra Banks infamous ANTM quote, “learn from this” echoes in my mind on a continuous loop as we come to a close of one of the toughest years of our lives. Though personally, 2017 still takes the cake for me.
This is my last newsletter of the year, and while I understand the plethora of newsletters you’ve signed up for will be saying the same thing, it’s important to highlight that I will be mentally clocking out from writing until next year, because I've had enough.
Despite being in a global Panasonic and a constant state of panic, we've managed to keep spirits high, eat [somewhat] healthily and keep the businesses we work for afloat with our work:life imbalance. Efforts worthy of a MOBO Award IMO. We've gone above and beyond by simply trying to do our best and I for one, think that's rather admirable. Authoress - word to Maya Wilkes - and journalist Alya Mooro rounded off the year perfectly in her closing newsletter in saying that it has been the best of times, it has been the worst of times. Looking at everyone's highlights, whether it be via fire Top 4 selfies of the year or threads detailing great achievements, it's easy to forget that everything and nothing has taken place. We should be applauding one another for simply waking up, in addition to the incredible wins.
Summing up an unprecedented 12-month session: "A lot has happened this year, and yet sometimes, it feels like nothing has happened at all," Alya Mooro.
2020 has zoomed by, though I'm not trying to reignite your Zoom Quiz PTSD with this analogy. In a year where we spent many of our days locked up [they wouldn't let us out] with one too many Facetime calls, this very bizarre period of time has flown by in the blink of an eye. One day when our bedsheet background selfies are in history books, we'll look to 2020 as the year we learned patience, and that brunch was our only real talking point for many of our "friendships". Entering 2021, while we understand that Covid-19 will not simply dissipate at the strike of midnight, it helps to be even a little bit enthused about what the new year may bring. Long may it be there year where the money resides, with Louis V bags in abundance.
Hell hath no fury like an unbuttered scone or something of that nature...
One thing I really can appreciate about myself is that I'm able to create pieces of work that come straight from the heart. This means that when I'm experiencing a particularly low mood, reminiscing on what could have been, I will have already produced a piece that drapses me out of that feeling by my shirt collar.
We're at an age now where our friends are either engaged, married, with child, *expecting* a child or at the very least, have a deadbeat boyfriend. Naturally, it can be daunting when asked why it is that you're alone and not even attempting to be part of a partnership.
Though I've written this at length many a time before, namely in my debut book, I'm always comfortable divulging on my most vulnerable moment. Admittedly I've only been in love love once. I'm talking about the all-consuming, "breathtaking," you're my person, kinda love that Carrie continually drums on about. I often think about where I'd be had I not been so terrified of that feeling of care and dependence on another human being, but I'm entirely too reliant on feeling just a little bit lost. It serves as a comfort to my billowing failed writer character plot. Without it, I'd have to be happy, and God only knows what I'd write about if that were to happen again.
The point here is, settling for anything less than that feeling feels lazy and a disservice to the 60-year-old spinster I hope to become. This excerpt from a piece I wrote entitled, Dating Diaries: Are You Ever Really Ready? post-worst break-up of my life, details why I'm completely comfortable in my solitude for right now, and with Lauren McGuire perfectly perched beneath it.
“I also hate how TV shows demonise women for dating more than one person at a time. There’s always a storyline where they lose everything when the guys “find out” that they’re seeing other people. But isn’t the whole point of dating, to date?!!”
[SEND TWEET]
It’s no secret that dating depictions are rarely in favour of women. Whether it’s men on Twitter proclaiming that women on dating apps ‘must be whores,’ have something inherently wrong with them - despite being on the very same app - or frowning upon women who dare to speak on their preferences. Fortune favours the unoppressed.
Having had more than enough free time to binge-watch the TV series I’ve seen a million times before, I noticed a pattern more specifically targeting women and their dating lives on screen. For some inane reason, there always seems to be a fallen angel chronicle which dispels women from enjoying being young, free and single. Should she dare to date outside of her 'one allotted man per season', loses everything and given that dating is all about exploring your options, I’d like to analyse why.
Artwork by @canihavethisplease
Taking my favourite TV series SATC into account, yes, we’re here again. Charlotte York whose idea of romance relies heavily on the damsel in distress theorem, she dares to date two men at once. Her trial of exploring two options at one time quickly falls to shit when they find out about one another. Which if we’re being really real, likely wouldn’t happen because women are excellent liars. It's just a fact. Upon finding out about each other, they’re not only grotesquely offended that an attractive, young and single woman took it upon herself to try two men on; but she also loses both potential parties in the process. So disgusted by her attempts to see which shoe may fit better, they leave together in a fit of rage and she vows never to take dating advice from her friends again. Time and time again we're shown on-screen that we're not *supposed* to explore our singleness, and shouldn't stray too far from the narrative that eventually, we'll have to be picked by someone. Binga-ling-aling-aling, Spice Raw's bell call upon the Pick Me's.
While in Girlfriends, protagonist Joan Clayton decides to leave her obsession with marriage behind to date a baller, musician, and a journalist in unison. A perfectly normal feat for anyone in their 20s and 30s, but not in Girlfriends. Once Clayton whittles her decision down to the perfect asshole, she's berated by the other men for even having dared to date outside of each. And similarly to Charlotte, loses all three in the process.
My annoyance lays heavily in the fact that men are routinely portrayed as players and as I type this I'm realising why women are called whores for feeling even remotely sexually liberated, while men can wave their willies at new mates without judgement. The odds are often stacked against us and dare we care to step out of the narratives we've been boxed into, we're punished by the masses. Often with painful titles and an abundance of men who despite your new title, still do not stand a chance. Your bride price is inanimately affected should you choose to exceed the wife-able body count.
Granted these are dated depictions of the dating experience, but it bears repeating that this narrative is told through real-life too. Experienced women are seldom rewarded for exploring their own sexual fantasies and you only have to look as far as Cardi B's hit WAP to know this is true. It seems almost insane that a song glorifying your anatomy would cause such a controversy, but men worldwide were pissed at even the idea of us screaming about what we bring to the table. Even those who previously bragged via rap about their 6-inch gats. You really cannot make this shit up.
Not since Lil Kim's - Big Momma Thing has a song caused such a ruckus. "That's how many times I wanna cum, twenty-one and another one, and another one, and another one, 24 carats [n word]" - Lil Kim. Though, I'm sure many would like to pretend that our musical predecessors were "pure," and would absolutely never speak on their sexual preferences through song. There are a number of empowering lyrics that detail quite the opposite, speaking loud and proudly of their nether regions.
One thing's for certain, if ever we're able to recant the narrative and change the story, it's imperative that we start with how women are viewed on television. Many of our dating lessons come to us courtesy of late-night viewings of Footballers Wives, way past our bedtimes. With Megan Thee Stallion carrying the torch of most lude, yet empowering and pussy-popping music I hope the favours at will, should sway even a little going forward. While future TV depictions should display women further exploring dating the way it was intended, aplenty. Perhaps 2021 will be the year social media quits censoring specific body types and look to displaying them on Instagram explore pages instead - these are the things I choose to manifest.
It’s that time of the year where everyone highlights their wins from the year, but with this being the toughest years of some of our lives, it’s important to remember to shield yourself from any posts that make you feel like just making it through the year wasn't good enough.
This month’s #ThingsIDontMeme is courtesy of Real Housewives of Potomac’s Wendy. While I’m not particularly fond of her, nor her incessant need to bring up her FOUR degrees at any given moment, I thought it the perfect way to illustrate shielding your self-esteem and not allowing it to depend on the online achievements of others. Something I mentioned at length in my last newsletter.
Tis the season to get absolutely wankered, text Happy New Year to the exes whose numbers we swore we'd deleted and purchase everything Melissa pops in her Instagram story, while it's still in stock. Until next year kids!
Love, L x